I war within myself, who wins?

Yea folks I am feeling a bit introspective, and weird. Warning I have been listening to REM (early years) and a bit of Damien Rice. So I am a man who likes the idea of fighting for my country, and yet also like the idea of living in peace. On one hand I love the responsibility of military service. Yet I also love the responsibility of living a life of peace. On one hand I love my short buzzed haircut. On the other hand I want to grow my hair back out and leave it there. I see who I want to be in little tidbits of other people. The trick is finding out how to add all of those ingredients to become who I want to be. Then again, does it matter if I am who I want to be. Should I just be okay with who God wants me to be? If so then great. Who is that? I do not care so much about what I do for a living as long as I can support my family, and get all of my debt paid off. And then on the other hand I would love to roll six figures. So what the heck am I to do with this mess? My poor wife has had to deal with this struggle as well. I only want to take care of her and our impending family. So there it is. Anyone got any ideas?