My will is dead! Hallelujah!!!

Well here it is, lent. We stop and think about what Jesus the Christ went through during this time of temptation. Being fully God and fully man, what a twisted time of joy and pain it must have been for Him. The pain of being tempted. And the joy of knowing that you are your Father's Son. I have been going through a period of temptation myself. In the past I had success in pushing the issue. You know? Practically willing what I wanted. I had that success with work, school, and even a girl or two now and then. (Don't worry I was a gentleman!) I have been tempted to go about business as usual and try to force God into allowing me to stay in full time ministry. I feel as if now as this moment I am in the process of giving up my spirit. Now I gave Christ my life and there fore my spirit as well over 20 years ago. However, in a struggle to force my way again I feel as if I tried to taker control again and again only to continue to fail miserably. But I kept at it. Thinking that I would win out eventually.But here I am dying. But this is a good death. No I am not going out in a blaze of glory, or in the heat of battle like I would have liked. And its not a physical death or else you would be freaked out about now!! Yikes! No its a death of my will. My way, and my will are about to breath their last breath. But this is a good thing. I have been married to my incredibly beautiful and talented wife songbirdtiff for over 8 years now. I have tried to push her as well. First with military service, which she supported pre-9/11. and then with finishing my studies at John Brown University. Neither happened. Not from a lack of trying. Until just recently I began to give these up. But instead of giving them up for lent only, I have given them up for good. Yea I still dream of military service. My big brother is in the Army at Ft. Lewis Washington. Yes if given the opportunity I would return to JBU. But I realized I will never wear the uniform of my beloved country. Nor will I finish school at JBU, although I might get to finish at the U of A. (tons cheaper!!) But that's ok! I realized that my Father has other plans or just does not wish for me to go there and do that. And as for ministry? I have concede to merely do the will of the One who saved me, and then chose me to minister. Wherever He needs me I will go. And right now its looks like a small discipleship role in my church,which suits me just fine.So..... my will is dying. But its a good death!

The Cost of Being Free

I find myself getting more from what I read in God's Word. I guess all of these years of reading are finally paying off. I also have been challenged by a dear friend of mine to read some books that have totally turned me inside out. And now we are about to begin a reading plan with the Bible to get us all over the book in a year's time. I am currently reading a book called "The Blue Parakeet" by Scot McKnight. And as a church my church is going through the book of John. The "Parakeet" is a book that challenges the way we read the Bible. I highly recommend it, but be warned it will change how you look at the Word for the better! Anyway, I have been pondering my faith lately and have realized that along the way, as we follow Christ we pay dearly for it. Some more than others, but its not a contest or a competition either. Some folks have paid with their very lives. Some folks have been uprooted by God and taken to the mountains of Honduras, and Tibet. We do pay a cost. We endure persecution in some avenues. Others we face hard choices to go against the status quo. Nonetheless we paid it. Now I know I am not alone on this one (testify with your comments) but I am more than happy to pay it. I feel God's pleasure with me when I do what the Spirit of Truth tells me to do. Man does that feel good! But we pay for it. What? God's grace is free man you have lost it! No, that's not what I am writing about. I am writing about how we take a Saturday off and give it back by helping those in need. Its taking time away from out families to spend time with families in Honduras, or Mexico. I have been involved in ministry for over, well this year will be 20 years. I sit now and take inventory of what it has cost me. I have missed many days from my wife in other countries with a bunch of crazy teenagers. I have spent weeks on the road playing music, long hours of driving, setting up, then playing my butt off for 45 minutes to two hours in front of hundreds to thousands of people, then signing autographs, etc. Now I know what your thinking. Geeze James you have had it so hard. Poor baby. I am saying this because others have died while I have played rock n roll music. Others have spent time in prison while I got to spend time praying in the glorious city of New York. I can do more. I will do more. But not in volume, but is substance. I am currently discipling a young man who is messed up to put it bluntly. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in the almost 20 years of ministry I have been involved in. He is difficult, frustrating, among other things. I pray so hard for him, and it seems as if he is not interested in giving it his best effort, but I will not give up, I can't. But I consider it a blessing to pay the cost of being free. We are free so we must pay for it. Get it? In closing during my days at JBU I took a class called Discipleship and Evangelism or D&E to those fellow JBU'ers. Dr. Robbie Castlemen taught the class. She is brilliant in every sense of the word. Which could also be said for 99.9 of the professors at JBU. But I digress. We read a book called "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. A deep read to say the least. I recommend this one as well. But prepare yourself you will hear terms like "cheap grace" and execution. Bonhoeffer was a priest in Germany during the heyday of Nazi Germany. His church was raided by the SS. They told him to stop preaching or else. He refused. They left but came back a time later arrested him, and stripped him naked, and hung him in the town square. Cheap Grace? The cost of being free? What is it to you?