Losing Control

Well I sit here thinking about the rough spot my wife and I find ourselves in, and I realize that I have been our own worst enemy. In the past I have manipulated, coerced, and forced my will upon whomever I needed to in order to get where, and what I want. Anything from a date to a job promotion I did what was necessary to get what I wanted. I took control. Well that goes right against the life I must lead to follow Christ. So the fight began. I have wrestled with my Savior for years upon years. I feel myself grabbing the towel about to throw it in. Should I? Give up control? That is a very difficult thought for me to grasp. I am a take charge type of person. I see an issue I deal with it. If I see a threat I eliminate it. I see something I want to go and get it. Is that a trait that I can have a still be a follower of Christ? I am beginning to think that in order to live a life as a follower of Christ I can no longer live this way. But how does one go about this? I want to fall on my knees and ask Christ for forgiveness. I have fought with Him for way too long and I think its time to stop and surrender. But how does somebody who has a mentality of a never give up, fight to the bitter end surrender his will. Was Christ supposed to change that? If so why hasn't he? I want desperately to let go of control of my life and surrender it to Christ. Now just to be clear, I have made a profession of faith in Jesus, been baptized, and know where I stand in eternity. But I do not want to continue to live as I have for these battle weary years. So please pray for me as I struggle to find out how to raise the white flag. Thanks!

Fatherhood

Hey there followers I know its been a while since I have written anything. part of it has been I just have not had much to say, and the other part of it is that I am about to officially become a father. My wife and I will adopt a nine year old boy on Wednesday. His name is Lane. His new name will be Lane Thomas Selvey. He has been living with us since December 18th of last year. I have fallen in love with him, with being a dad, and with having a family. Its an amazing feeling that I can barely find words to describe. Our adoption experience has been bittersweet but in the end so fulfilling and enriching. Our church family has been so wonderful in embracing him, and us as adoptive parents. The saying that it takes a village is so true. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful church family along side of us. Our biological families have been so supportive as well. Lane is so thrilled to have a grandpa and grandma its so cool to see him with them. Amazing! Other than that I am a student again, studying retail management and hope to work in category management to sales analysis when I am done. Life is good, but hard at the same time. Dealing with defiance from a 9 year old that is mine and not somebody elses is a lot harder than when you can send them home if need be. But my wife and I having been dealing with it pretty well. Its an adventure to be sure, but I would not trade it for anything I love being a dad!