Family.................true family.

Well as many of my fellow bloggers who have read my blog know my wife and I have had a very rough month. We are healing (once again) and we are looking towards what God has planned for her and I. I have received many emails & facebook chats with encouraging words of prayer and support. For those I wish to thank all of you. Family.......that word means a lot of different things especially in our fragmented society where divorce devastates families in and out of the church body. But wait, aren't we all His children? So we should all be in the body of Christ( I like to call it a family, with God as my Dad alongside my earthly dad who passed two years ago) so the church has much work to do in order to reach out to those folks who do not know what real family feels like. I am blessed because I do know what that feels like. They laughed with me when I got out students lost on the way to Ft. Smith (thanks Brandon.. love ya damie), and they cried with me when my earthly father passed away. They came to his funeral and hugged me until a I soaked their shoulders with my tears. They are some of the greatest people I know. The Cornetts, Carters, Traviss, Baughs, Halls, Greens,Skinner, Whitlocks, Holts, Ramseys, I mean the list could go on and fill another blog entry. I just might do that for the next one. My own little genealogy. I say genealogy because those folks are my family. Mi familia! (for you Julie). They all love my wife and I unconditionally. And that is a chore with me, not so much with my wife she is easy to love, me I can be a lover one minute and a fighter the next and a goofball all the way through out. All this is to say that family (church body) is a place where being real is finally being accepted. One of my incredible pastors just read my last blog where I wrote words like, ass & pissed. So if you are reading this blog and do not have a family? We have room for you in mine. holla at me at jselvey@gracechurchnwa.org and I will show ya my family.

Anger Justified

I am pissed off and fed up. Not too long ago my wife and I were asked if we would be interested in adopting two girls from some "friends" of mine who are their legal guardians. We were apprehensive at first (with good reason) but grew to be a bit fond of the girls. Today we were told that the people keeping them are now unsure that they want to give them up for adoption (after a month of meetings). I got a call from my wife who was and still is upset about it. This is the second time that something like this has happened. If this some cosmic joke I am not freakin laughing. So my struggle now is how angry I am. I do not like being angry but cannot help the fact that sometimes I when I get angry I want to annihilate those who have perpetrated the act that sent me into rage. I am beginning to lose faith in the goodness of people. I am beginning recognize that as a good thing. People suck! They lie, cheat, steal, kill, manipulate, and act selfishly. Now am I on a soapbox?That would be an emphatic no. I am in that category(although I have never killed anyone...yet) and often kick my own ass when the need arises. But because I am a loser does that mean I have to out up with epic stupidity? I do not think so. If so just stack that on top of everything else I will never be good at. So there I ranted, vented, and I feel no better than when I began this blog. I want to take my wife and I far away from all of this BS and head somewhere new and not here. Any suggestions?? I was thinking Alaska or Colorado!

Losing it

This has been a month like no other for me. God is really messing with my head. When I believe I have things figured out, I don't. When I think I know the direction I need to go I get lost. I really feel as if I am on a train flying down the tracks out of control. The trip to NYC was amazing. I can't seem to get past it though. I think about it everyday. But I really do not have a desire to leave Fayetteville. My wife (songbirdtiff) and I want to adopt. We meet some kids and we are not sure they are the ones we are suppose to adopt. I get a job that I like and is really flexible, but I feel as if I may have to head somewhere else. None of these things are difficult or unpleasant. However, I feel as if someone is about to jump out of the shadows and get me.
I know Christ said," that whomever loses his life will find it in Me." And He also said that "if we try to find out life we will lose it." I think I am losing it. I feel like an unmade bed. It is like when you travel and then return and the first few days are strange. Ya know what I mean? So what does this mean?
I think God is about to do something that will turn everything I know upside down, or I am going insane. One of the two. I am really needing prayer right now. To be clear I am neither sad, worried, or anxious about anything. So I am praying that God would clear some things up. Can you do the same? Much thanks and love!
J