Losing Control

Well I sit here thinking about the rough spot my wife and I find ourselves in, and I realize that I have been our own worst enemy. In the past I have manipulated, coerced, and forced my will upon whomever I needed to in order to get where, and what I want. Anything from a date to a job promotion I did what was necessary to get what I wanted. I took control. Well that goes right against the life I must lead to follow Christ. So the fight began. I have wrestled with my Savior for years upon years. I feel myself grabbing the towel about to throw it in. Should I? Give up control? That is a very difficult thought for me to grasp. I am a take charge type of person. I see an issue I deal with it. If I see a threat I eliminate it. I see something I want to go and get it. Is that a trait that I can have a still be a follower of Christ? I am beginning to think that in order to live a life as a follower of Christ I can no longer live this way. But how does one go about this? I want to fall on my knees and ask Christ for forgiveness. I have fought with Him for way too long and I think its time to stop and surrender. But how does somebody who has a mentality of a never give up, fight to the bitter end surrender his will. Was Christ supposed to change that? If so why hasn't he? I want desperately to let go of control of my life and surrender it to Christ. Now just to be clear, I have made a profession of faith in Jesus, been baptized, and know where I stand in eternity. But I do not want to continue to live as I have for these battle weary years. So please pray for me as I struggle to find out how to raise the white flag. Thanks!