My will is dead! Hallelujah!!!

Well here it is, lent. We stop and think about what Jesus the Christ went through during this time of temptation. Being fully God and fully man, what a twisted time of joy and pain it must have been for Him. The pain of being tempted. And the joy of knowing that you are your Father's Son. I have been going through a period of temptation myself. In the past I had success in pushing the issue. You know? Practically willing what I wanted. I had that success with work, school, and even a girl or two now and then. (Don't worry I was a gentleman!) I have been tempted to go about business as usual and try to force God into allowing me to stay in full time ministry. I feel as if now as this moment I am in the process of giving up my spirit. Now I gave Christ my life and there fore my spirit as well over 20 years ago. However, in a struggle to force my way again I feel as if I tried to taker control again and again only to continue to fail miserably. But I kept at it. Thinking that I would win out eventually.But here I am dying. But this is a good death. No I am not going out in a blaze of glory, or in the heat of battle like I would have liked. And its not a physical death or else you would be freaked out about now!! Yikes! No its a death of my will. My way, and my will are about to breath their last breath. But this is a good thing. I have been married to my incredibly beautiful and talented wife songbirdtiff for over 8 years now. I have tried to push her as well. First with military service, which she supported pre-9/11. and then with finishing my studies at John Brown University. Neither happened. Not from a lack of trying. Until just recently I began to give these up. But instead of giving them up for lent only, I have given them up for good. Yea I still dream of military service. My big brother is in the Army at Ft. Lewis Washington. Yes if given the opportunity I would return to JBU. But I realized I will never wear the uniform of my beloved country. Nor will I finish school at JBU, although I might get to finish at the U of A. (tons cheaper!!) But that's ok! I realized that my Father has other plans or just does not wish for me to go there and do that. And as for ministry? I have concede to merely do the will of the One who saved me, and then chose me to minister. Wherever He needs me I will go. And right now its looks like a small discipleship role in my church,which suits me just fine.So..... my will is dying. But its a good death!